Gizmodo Explains How Google Wave Will Destroy Us All

jcenters — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 01:00:00 +0000

You probably can’t even access it yet, and those in the loop aren’t even sure what it does or how it works. Well Adam Frucci over at Gizmodo has figured out Wave’s true purpose: Conquering the entire world.

Of course, if ad blockers are used to prevent Bottomfeeder’s ads from showing, or Stingrays are blocked or tampered with, Google reserves the right to use Great White to damage your online reputation by pulling private and humiliating information from your Wave history. It’ll spread the information to your contacts based on the Swordfish algorithm, which analyzes which people will be the most offended by each particular nugget of data. Great White will continue until the ad blocker is removed and/or Stingrays are returned to proper working order.

Thanks for the heads up, Adam! We’ll be sure to keep our tinfoil hats handy.

Did Glenn Beck Rape and Murder a Young Girl in 1990?

jcenters — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 01:45:40 +0000

No. At least, we have no evidence to support that. However, Glenn Beck IS trying to kill the parody website DidGlennBeckRapeAndMurderAYoungGirlIn1990.com.

The domain was registered by Isaac Eiland-Hall of Panama, Fla. on Sept. 1 of this year. The site offers dubious “evidence” that Glenn Beck raped and murdered a young girl in 1990.

A mere three days later, on Sept. 4, Beck filed a complaint with the Word Intellectual Property Organization (PDF), requesting that the domain name be taken from Eiland-Hall.

Eiland-Hall’s lawyer, Marc J. Randazza, responded with a gloriously sarcastic legal brief (PDF). No seriously, read it, it’s likely the most entertaining legal document you will ever lay eyes upon. Here’s an excerpt:

Beck has tried to paint himself as a “babe in the woods” who has fallen
victim to a vicious character attack. In reality, Beck is an accomplished
and deliberate manipulator of public opinion, and it is absurd to suggest
that he himself does not understand the nature and function of
Respondent’s website. Given his long history of using the Gottfried
Technique, Beck must have recognized that the respondent has merely
presented Mr. Beck with a mirror. If Beck does not like what he sees, the
Respondent is not to blame.

The joke, borrowed from Gilbert Gottfried’s hillarious roasting of Bob Saget, originated from a post on Fark.com, thus the aforementioned “Gottfried Effect.” The joke became an instant meme, most notably on social news site reddit.com.

Beck himself is no stranger to making outrageous claims, such as calling President Obama a racist. He has even compared himself to Howard Beale, the crazed newsman in 1976’s classic satire, “Network.”

There are a couple of curious things about this case. The first is why Beck is attacking the site internationally, instead of inside the United States. Scientific journalist Ed Brayton offers a likely explanation.

“Because he knows he would lose a libel suit,” said Brayton in an Oct. 5 post. “He is a public figure and the site is clearly satirical. Under precedents like Falwell v Flynt, it is virtually impossible to win such a suit.”

The second is Beck’s silence on the vicious rumor that he raped and murdered a young girl in 1990. Odd behavior for such an outspoken man.

TeKnocratix » Humor

Gizmodo Explains How Google Wave Will Destroy Us All

Did Glenn Beck Rape and Murder a Young Girl in 1990?